Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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