we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
