Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
