69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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