My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
