can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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