I just pynch a tree in the face
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can I color on your dick again?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
