And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
