talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
