i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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