I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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