i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
