he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
