Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We left the knife in your bed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
