Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
