she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
