So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
