was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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