What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
