my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
