sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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