Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
