I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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