Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
