I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am one with the molecules
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
