We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
