I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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