I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
