Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
