i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
