If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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