Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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