So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
