i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
