drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
