i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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