so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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