she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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