no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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