New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
