theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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