My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
