i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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