I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
