i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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