After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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