I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
