the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
