I hate your face
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
