There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
