I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
