if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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